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Check this page each week for the latest clean jokes from Pruneville.com. Or sign up for our free e-mail newsletter, the Pruneville.com Weekly Gazette, and we'll let you know each time a new joke becomes available.
  • An old woman was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store. When she appeared before the judge, the judge asked what she had taken. The lady replied, "A can of peaches." The judge then asked why she had done it. She replied, "I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash to the store." The judge asked how many peaches were in the can. She replied, "Nine." The judge said, "Well then, I'm going to give you nine days in jail--one day for each peach." As the judge was about to drop his gavel, the lady's husband raised his hand and asked if he might speak. The judge said, "Yes, what do you have to add?" The husband said, "Your honor, she also stole a can of peas."


  • Two elderly ladies were discussing the upcoming dance at the country club. "We're supposed to wear something that matches our husband's hair, so I'm wearing black," said Mrs. Smith. "Oh my," said Mrs. Jones, "I'd better not go."


  • Three old ladies were discussing the trials and tribulations of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich." The second lady chimed in with, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down." The third one responded, "Well, ladies, I'm glad I don't have that problem, knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table and then said, "That must be the door, I'll get it!"


  • Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection, and the light was red again. They went right though it. This time, the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red and was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on. At the next intersection, the light was definitely red, and sure enough, they went right through again. She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh my, am I driving?"


  • An old fellow fell in love with a lady. He got down on his knees and told her there were two things he would like to ask her. She replied, "OK." He said, "Will you marry me?" She replied, "Yes," then asked what his second question was. He replied, "Will you help me up?"


  • You're over the hill when your back goes out more than you do.


  • Reporter: "So you are 100 years old. How did you manage to live so long?" Old man: "Well, son, I got married when I was 21. The wife and I decided that if we had arguments, the loser would take a long walk to get over being mad. I suppose I have been benefitted most by 79 years of fresh air."


  • Re-released hits for baby boomers:
    • “You’re So Varicose Vein” by Carly Simon
    • “How Can You Mend A Broken Hip?” by the BeeGees
    • “The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face” by Roberta Flack
    • “I Can’t See Clearly Now” by Johnny Nash
    • “Papa Got A Kidney Stone” by the Temptations
    • “These Boots Give Me Arthritis” by Nancy Sinatra
    • “You Make Me Feel Like Napping” by Leo Sayer
    • “Once, Twice, Three Trips to the Bathroom” by the Commodores
    • “A Whiter Shade of Hair” by Procol Harum
    • “I Get By with a Little Help from Depends” by the Beatles
    • “Rikki, Don’t Lose Your Car Keys” by Steely Dan
    • “Mrs. Brown, You’ve Got a Lovely Walker” by Herman's Hermits
    • “Talkin’ ‘Bout My Medication” by the Who
    • “Bald Thing” by the Troggs
    • “You Can’t Always Pee When You Want” by the Rolling Stones
    • “I Heard It through the Grape Nuts” by Marvin Gaye
    • And last, but definitely not least, “Bad Prune Rising” by Credence Clearwater Revivial (our personal favorite)

  • "Now, Ms. Lyons," said the doctor, "you say you have shooting pains in your neck, dizziness, and constant nausea. Just for the record, how old are you?" "Why, I'm going to be 39 on my next birthday," the woman replied indignantly. "Hmmm," muttered the doctor, "Got a slight loss of memory, too."


  • Growing older is merely a matter of feeling your corns rather than feeling your oats.


  • As the waitress served the elderly couple, she noticed something very unusual. The man began to eat his meal while his wife stared patiently out the window. "Is there something wrong with your food?" the waitress asked the lady. "No, the food looks great," she replied. "Aren't you afraid your food will get cold if you wait much longer to eat?" the waitress queried further. "Oh," the lady replied, "that's all right." "Well aren't you hungry?" the waitress finally asked. "I sure am," the lady replied. "I'm just waiting until my husband gets through with the teeth."


  • Little boy: "Did you hear about the 88-year-old man and the 79-year-old lady that got married last week?" Little girl: "Did they throw rice at them?" Little boy: "No, they threw vitamins!"


  • The older a man gets, the more ways he learns to part his hair. Some men pull what little bit of hair they have around on their head to cover their baldness. However, as a man gets even older, he realizes there are basically only three ways to wear his hair--parted, unparted, and departed.


  • You're getting old when there's no question in your mind that there's no question in your mind.


  • An elderly woman was telling her daughter about a date with a 90-year-old man. "Believe it or not, I had to slap his face three times!" said the woman. "Do you mean that old man got fresh with you?" the daughter asked in disgust. "Oh, no!" her mother explained, "I had to keep slapping his face to keep him awake!"


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About the Pruneville.com Comic Strips

Louie and Dot are a married couple in their mid-60s who have recently retired from their jobs in the big city and have moved to Pruneville, a quaint retirement community in East Texas, with their pet cockatiel, Jake.

Louie cracks incredibly corny jokes, is somewhat lazy and harebrained, and often embarrasses Dot and Jake in front of their friends and relatives with his less-than-intelligent comments, questions, and actions.

Dot is spry, witty, personable, and is the foundation of the family. Without her loving guidance and unlimited patience, Louie and Jake would be in big trouble.

Jake is self-centered, impossibly stubborn, and constantly sarcastic.

To read more about the inspiration, history, and people behind the comic strip, visit the About Us section.



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